My Story

My Playlist – The Last Breakup

  1. I Really Want It – A Great Big World
  2. Young Love – Eli Lieb
  3. Don’t You Worry Child – Sam Tsui
  4. My Hands – Leona Lewis
  5. Cinema (feat. Gary Go) – Benny Benassi
  6. Marry You – Bruno Mars
  7. Halo – Beyoncé
  8. Locked out of Heaven Mashup – Megan Nicole & Sam Tsui
  9. Until You’ve Fallen Down – Eli Lieb
  10. Échame la Culpa – Luis Fonsi & Demi Lovato
  11. Honey, I’m Good – Andy Grammer
  12. Remedy – The Electric Swing Circus
  13. Next to You – Eli Lieb
  14. Alive – Krewella
  15. Good Day for Marrying You – Dave Barnes
  16. I Really Want It – A Great Big World
  17. It Is Well With My Soul – Jars of Clay

Hello, and welcome to My Story – An autobiography of a homosexual Christian. I am Derek Michael Shaw, author of My Story and host to this podcast.

My Story was written in early 2018 and it chronicles the first third of my life (well…as long as I live to be 111, that is). Specifically, it focuses on my journey to realize, understand and accept my exclusive sexual attraction to other men. I wrote My Story to change hearts and minds, because God used this same journey to change MY heart and mind. The initial audience to my book, which I distributed between March and August 2018, was exclusively friends and family members. I even paid for 11 copies to be physically printed, which I gave to my parents and siblings. Most other readers received an electronic version that I distributed via email, although I did have a few extra printed copies that I loaned out to other friends in Billings, MT, my hometown and where I lived March through August this year.

Because I grew up in a Christian home and attended a Christian college for my bachelor’s degree, there are, at this very moment, MANY people in my life who believe any expression of homosexual behavior is sinful. I’ve re-confirmed that over the last several months, and it shouldn’t be too much of a surprise because I myself believed that very same thing for many years.

But I have a very different belief now, one that was given to me by God on February 4th, 2018 in Portland, Oregon, in the United States. I call that day my MIRACLE SUNDAY, because on that day, after spending the previous two days sequestered alone in a hotel room, I re-encountered the Holy Trinity at Alongsiders Church. This encounter put me on a new path for my life.

February 4th was also the date for Super Bowl LII (52), and by meeting a Kiwi man on that day, God planted the seeds for my 9-month spirit-led adventure in New Zealand and Australia. In fact, I am currently recording this podcast in my car outside of Queenstown, New Zealand. I’m staring at some beautiful mountains and a lake, and taking in all of God’s beauty around me as I tell my story.

I felt led to start this podcast after experiencing two other Christian coming out stories in the past two weeks. The first was Torn, rescuing the gospel from the gays-vs.-Christians debate. Written by Justin Lee, it was published in November 2012. The second was Blue Babies Pink, a 44-episode Southern Coming Out story. Originally posted in late 2016 by B.T. Harmon on his Facebook wall, it was later turned into a blog and a podcast. Each author has been very successful and it all stemmed from a desire to tell their story simply because they knew it was a story that needed to be shared. Their stories, as is mine, are stories shared by many other individuals in the Christian church who “struggle” with homosexual attraction.

However, while I resonated with many of the themes and feelings both of these writers brought up, My Story takes a decidedly different path than their journeys. Due to that fact, I feel compelled to share My Story to help other LGBT individuals who have grown up in the church, but have left their faith to find love and sex.

I do highly recommend both of those stories to you. I’ve actually posted recommendations on my website, www.trinitydreamer.com, under the My Recommendations section. They can be found as Recommendation #1 and Recommendation #2. Please check them out while you wait for more episodes of this podcast to be released.

Since we are on the topic of episodes to be released, let’s go over some ground rules for how this podcast is going to play out. I also want to go over the word homosexual as well as give you some initial thoughts to get us all on the same page.

  • First, while I have a production schedule roughly sketched out, I won’t hold hard and fast to it if I need more time to produce the episodes. This is my FIRST EVER podcast, and I’m doing it almost all by myself. I’ve written and edited the story and commentary, I’m creating the musical intros and transitions, and I will personally record, edit, and produce each podcast episode. I have had some close friends and family members provide input throughout this process, but again, 99% of this is all me.
  • Second, the podcast episodes will vary in length, although I hope to keep them between 5 and 15 minutes. This allows My Story to be broken up into 30 episodes, with this introduction being the 1st episode. I plan to release the final episode on New Year’s Day, January 1, 2019. New episodes will be released about every 3-4 days between now and then. I’m pleased that the entire venture will span 3 months…I am TrinityDreamer after all.
  • Third, while I have gotten the approval of some of the individuals mentioned in My Story, there are several others who did not give me their direct consent to share what I will be sharing. I ask that you respect them and realize that I am telling the story from my point of view. They most likely have a different perspective on some of the events I mention. Why I am sharing these events then? I feel justified in sharing these things, because everything that happens in My Story happened TO ME. The memories contained within my book describe the things that were said and done to ME in response to my “lifestyle”.
  • Fourth, I am not throwing ANYONE under the bus, and there are no villains in My Story – not God, not my parents, my siblings, Tracy, or anyone else that I mention. I need to make it clear that I had an amazing, happy, well-adjusted childhood and I have a family that loved me then, and still loves me now, even though I feel most of them don’t understand me. I also want to make it clear that I loved Tracy, my ex-partner, the entire time I was in our relationship, I loved him afterwards in how gently I treated him during our divorce, and I still care for him as deeply as I care for my family, because he IS my family. I wish the best for him and his future.
  • Fifth, let’s talk about the word homosexual, because you are going to be hearing it a lot. While I often introduce myself as a gay man, that’s because it’s easier and more accepted to say that when I meet other people. I use the term homosexual throughout My Story because that is the word currently used in the Bible. It is the term that many Christians use to condemn same-sex attraction. It also has negative connotations to many gay and lesbian men and women due to its original use as a classification within psychology as a disorder.  But, I think it very aptly describes my one and only difference to heterosexual individuals. I am a man in every sense of the word. I just want to have a sexual relationship, ultimately a marriage, with another man instead of a woman. Hence, I am a homosexual man instead of a heterosexual man.
  • Sixth, I would love to hear your thoughts and questions. My contact information is on my blog at www.trinitydreamer.com/contact-info, and I encourage you to reach out. I promise to respond to anyone that contacts me, mainly because I feel like I’ve reached out to many people in my life only to be discouraged by a lack of a response, or a response that shuts down the conversation. I don’t want you, as a listener to this podcast, to feel that way in your correspondence with me.
  • Seventh, this podcast is my way of sharing the good news I received on Miracle Sunday. It is also a way for me to challenge both the Christian and LGBT communities to think about their beliefs and treatment of the other side. For Christians, I want them to question the belief that homosexuality in any expression is sinful. For LGBT individuals, I want them to think about marriage and how a loving, committed, monogamous union between two people is the healthiest, most secure form of a relationship.

Whew…Well…I think that sums up what I wanted to communicate to my listeners before I start reading My Story. Plus, it gives me 7 points, and seven IS the number in the Bible that signifies completeness and perfection (both physical and spiritual). So, just like God, I’m going to give it a rest. However, unlike God, I assure you, I, along with My Story and this podcast, am far from perfect, as you will soon hear more about. I am simply attempting to communicate the truth that I received on Miracle Sunday. And so, without further ado, I present My Story – an autobiography of a homosexual Christian.

Episode #12 Link – ScienceNews.Org