This was one of my earlier recommendations that I received in March as I road-tripped back to Montana from Portland, OR. My house had been sold a week earlier; the possessions had been divided between Tracy and I. He took most of them as he needed to fill a new 2-bedroom apartment while I was moving into a room at my younger brother and sister-in-law’s house. Tracy had even taken the car, so all my worldly possessions were in half-filled 10 ft U-Haul truck.

Stopping for a brunch outside Seattle, WA, I reconnected with a high school friend who I hadn’t seen in close to two decades. She had married her high school sweetheart and now has thriving family and career in the education sector.

Recommendation #9 from Joy Giovanini

Of Mess and Moxie by Jen Hatmaker

Per Wikipedia, Jen Hatmaker is an American Christian author, speaker, blogger, and television presenter. She also has her own website at http://jenhatmaker.com/

Of Mess and Moxie documents Jen’s journey of being a writer and mother of 5 children. This immediately struck home with me, as I also grew up in a family of 5 children. Hearing Jen’s stories made me re-appreciate my own mother as I read the book. While I have some tension between myself and various members of my family, I still recognize how blessed I was to grow up in the Shaw Family.

My mom told me before I left for New Zealand that she was trying to “love the sinner and hate the sin” of homosexuality. Jen sums up the trouble I have with that statement.

“The Christian cliche “love the sinner, hate the sin” is problematic because it is always long on judgement and short on love. People sense that deeply; they understand when a relationship is fundamentally unsafe, precariously balanced on a scale of disapproval. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but eventually, a fork in the road will come, and the rejection will be painful beyond measure.”

Because for me, eventually finding a partner and having children will be that fork. The family that I grew up in, the family that I heard about in this book, and the families that I see all my friends creating, is what I have wanted since my early 20s. But I am still not sure my parents, older brothers, and other family members would attend or support my gay marriage. However, I’ve been learning that I am freed from the task of changing them.

“It is not my responsibility to change other people, nor them me. It just isn’t. It never was. Remember, the plan involves a heavy, obscene amount of love on my part, but I can take the task of “fixing someone” entirely off the table, permanently. I’m free to love him or her without stipulation, which creates a much wider, safer space to actually let God do what God does best, which is redeem all of our lives into glory.”

This book made me laugh and gave me recipes, fun quotes, and hilarious how-to’s. It was both lighthearted and yet dealt with incredibly serious topics of love, forgiveness, and brokenheartedness. I can wholeheartedly recommend it for any mom out there, and even for you Dads and singles, there’s a lot to learn and experience in this book.

The song tied to this post has kids and parties, dancing and diversity, color and connection. God’s timing is perfect! It is the 22nd song in my ReVivified playlist on Spotify, which just happens to be today.