As of today, Monday, July 8, 2019, I have been single for 553 days. Over 18 months of being on my own, worrying primarily about myself. In so many ways, it has been such a blessing to have this time to experience life, reflect, and get to know myself and my Creator better. In my single life, after almost a decade of partnership, I’ve found it challenging to stay positive and focus. I can honestly say that I am not actively looking for a partner, and yet even the act of finding friends starts to have overtones of “Could I meet someone here to be in a relationship with?”
After all, I’m confronted with it every day. Seeing couples on the street, hearing stories of partners from friends and co-workers, and logging in to social media are just a few of the ways that the knowledge that I am alone penetrates my inner calm. And I know I’m not truly alone, but I’d like to be sharing my life with another human.
I can’t just turn that part of me off
I want to have that person in your life who shows interest, care, and concern for what occurs. Then I would no longer be single. And really, I’m only single in some senses of the word. To be totally appropriate, I should title this post “555 Days of Being a Divorcee”.
I still have some shame and sorrow around my divorce. It signifies the death of a once-vital relationship, a relationship that I treasured over most other things. I wanted to have this awesome romantic story, something like my parents, who just celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary have. What I’ve been learning is that my breakup and this entire 555 day period are only part of the larger story of God in my life…a very different, but also very romantic kind of story.
I’ve done so much during these 555 days, but my daily habits that I began when I started work in Denver are now what are developing a space within me to interact with the divine, center my perspective, and allow unrest to be present but not overpowering.
Being single is incredibly easy, and extremely difficult. It’s easy because you have time and space for yourself, your thoughts, and your feelings. It’s hard for that exact same reason. And it’s even harder because of the human need to form and maintain connections to others. These connections are what provide joy, happiness, and meaning in this world. Without them, we are stunted, not fully expressed, living horribly unfulfilling lives.
So what about day 554?
Well, I choose to be deliberate, to take time to do what is important: to honor my thoughts, feelings, and desires without letting them control me or my behavior. To show more love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control in my life.
For any of you going through divorce and for all the other singles out there, I know what you are going through. I know it isn’t easy. But know that it gets better, and that no matter what happens, it’s still only part of your story.
Thanks for tuning in! You know the drill. Here is your song! The song for this post comes from my final monthly playlist – ListenLearnLove. The song is called is called Mood by Felix Cartal.
My new work schedule has Sundays and Monday’s off, so in some ways, “Monday is my Saturday”. While every week isn’t a holiday, I have been relishing the life I have in Denver. And one thing I know about day 554, “living never felt so good”