Day 85 (Tuesday Nov 13) – My Couchsurf with Claire & Liam had come to an end, so I moved into my next housing adventure (my fourth for Christchurch). It was another Airbnb, hosted by Michael, a savvy 19 year old who already owned a home. The room accommodations were fairly nice, although he lived with 2 other flatmates, so the bathroom and kitchen weren’t completely clean. But, I was getting an inexpensive rate for the 3 nights I was staying here and he was a nice, accommodating young man, so it all worked out.
I had gotten sick from babysitting Teddy (Alison and Jono’s toddler) on Friday night, and Tuesday was my sickest day. As I sneezed and coughed my way through the day, the bedroom had a TV mounted on the wall, so I watched some New Zealand TV: Married at First Sight NZ & The Great Kiwi Bake-off. I also started some non-recommendation list reading, a book recommend by Alison called Keep Your Love On! by Danny Silk.
But, it technically IS on a recommendation list, as I have started a US recommendation list here in NZ, asking people I’ve had a relationship with to recommend a media item to me (book, podcast, movie, album). I am also encountering additional reading material in the books on my NZ recommendation list that I will read once I settle back into life in the United States. So, continue to look forward to recommendations even after I return.
Keep Your Love On! is written from a Christian perspective and deals with 3 major issues in relationships: Connection, Communication, and Boundaries. What I found most helpful was a trinity of unhelpful personas that we often attribute to our world. We see ourselves as the “victim”, constantly being harassed and challenged by a “bad guy” and forever in need of a “rescuer”. The problem is that it creates a vicious cycle in our lives where we never take responsibility for our own actions and feelings, the only things that we can actually control in our lives. So, the book goes through ways to connect, communicate, and create boundaries to keep a loving attitude towards yourself, others, and God.
Day 86 (Wednesday Nov 14) – I was feeling quite a bit better, so I decided to head to the beach. New Brighton is a beach community 10 minutes east of downtown Christchurch. I hopped in Tuatoru and drove out to do my devotions while I looked out onto the ocean. I sat at Salt on the Pier, the only cafe, bar and restaurant in Christchurch that’s on the pier! I discovered that the New Brighton library was in the same building when I logged onto my laptop and saw that I could get the library’s wifi signal. So, I spent my morning here reading, blogging, and working on grad school applications.
The main drag, and a spray-painted welcome to New Brighton!
The playground outside the cafe and the pier…
A rainbow I found in the library, along with a Maori face…
An arch of books, along with a selfie as I was departing the beach.
More rainbows!!! And an awesome reminder as I walked back to Tuatoru!
That afternoon, I had lunch at Alison’s (black beans and rice) and then I took her older two kids (Evelyn and Sebastian) to the movie Smallfoot. It was an enjoyable movie about truth, acceptance, and trust. It focused on looking deeper, asking tough questions, going past the surface and experiencing the wonder of life. Look for one of the songs from the soundtrack to appear on next month’s playlist!
That night, I took it easy and got to bed early to shake off the last bits of my cold.
Day 87 (Thursday Nov 15) – I accomplished more reading on this day. I had checked out several books using Alison’s library card, and I wanted to keep making headway on my recommendations list, especially since I was learning I would probably have to cut my trip short. The grad schools I was looking at require in-person interviews in late February and early March, so I would be returning a few weeks after my Disneyland trip Feb 8-12.
I had lunch with Alison again and we discussed some of what I had read in Of Mess and Moxie by Jen Hatmaker. While I hadn’t been connecting with the first few chapters of the book, I had read more that morning that brought me to tears and made me think about the relationships in my life. I’ve appreciated hearing the story of another mom of 5, which reminded me of my own mother, and how much I love her.
I also was putting together another big blog post and I spent my last night in my Airbnb. Alison and Jono were going away for the weekend, and they had asked me to house-sit for them while they were away. This worked out perfectly, as I could save some money on housing before I headed up to Kaikoura for a scuba dive!
Day 88 (Friday Nov 16) – I got to Alison’s house around noon and they were already on the road out of town. Friday I posted about my first 13 days after my month in Queenstown.
Otherwise, it was another quiet day. More reading, writing, and thinking about grad school…
Day 89 & 90 (Saturday Nov 17 & Sunday Nov 18) – Saturday I had to pack up completely as I was headed out of town to Kaikoura and then to Gloriavale (NZ’s Christian Cult) for a few days. I’ve gotten quite good at it, although I’ve slowly been accumulating more stuff (bike, folding chair, sleeping bag, some books, ANOTHER sweatshirt). I’m planning on taking some stuff back to my family when I see them in Disneyland, and then having them take it back to Montana, otherwise, I’d have to ship some stuff back which would be expensive.
I also tried to plan a little bit more of my trip after I get back from Australia, as I will only have 14 days until I go to Disneyland, and then when I get back from Disney, another 7 days before I would fly to Denver for my first grad school interview. 3 weeks…21 days… 3×7, it sounds perfect for a TrinityDreamer! I haven’t finalized anything yet, but it looks do-able to see the rest of the north island in those 3 weeks.
I also posted My Story Episode #13 on Saturday!
My Story Episode #13 – My Parents Find Out I’m Gay but Don’t You Worry Child
Sunday morning I went to The Well for church and then was on my way to Kaikoura by 11:30am. I arrived around 3:30pm, and spent some time on the beach. I had been here 78 days ago, but the weather was cold and the sky was grey and cloudy. Now, it was sunny and warm with beautiful blue skies.
I had booked a 2 night stay in The Lazy Shag Backpackers hostel through hostelworld.com. I was able to get a single room with an individual shower, which was crucial for me to be able to wash and dry my scuba equipment.
The plants right outside my room were flowering and the bees were very happy about that!
I had a can of vegetable beef stew with a roll and cheese for dinner and then finished another coloring book quote that I will use for December’s playlist.
To finish off my day, I watched a few episodes of Ru Paul’s drag race season 4.
Day 91 (Monday Nov 19) – Time for my 6th and 7th ocean scuba dives! I was diving with Dive Kaikoura, and it turned out that I was the only person who had booked a dive for this day, so it was a personalized tour of the marine reserve and harbor area.
I dove with Hugh who grew up in Germany but had recently moved to New Zealand to teach scuba. He showed me some interesting shells as well as a live crayfish (under the rock) and a dead one (pale, out in the open). The dead one had probably been eaten by an octopus!
Speaking of octopi, I saw one and got a short video before he slithered away into the kelp…
And I took one more video to show the lush vegetation of this marine reserve…
I took all my photos and video on the first dive. We surfaced for an hour to eat and have some hot drinks (as the water was pretty cold, even with my 7mm wetsuit). For the second dive, Hugh took me on a different route outside of the marine reserve. It was a shorter dive, but I still saw lots of fish, some crabs, crayfish, and some more paua shells.
After we surfaced and were getting our gear off, Hugh showed me a paua shell he had picked up for me to commemorate the dive. It will always be a special reminder of my time diving in New Zealand.
I’m still working on cleaning of all the barnacles on the outside. I got a fair amount off by boiling it, but I think I’ll need to come up with something else to get it completely clean…
The rest of the day, I chilled at the hostel. I cleaned off my gear, talked to my parents on the phone, got some Subway for dinner, and watched a few more Ru Paul episodes. It was an awesome day!
Day 92 (Tuesday Nov 20) – It was the day I would have my new experience for November. I was off to stay the night at a Christian community – Gloriavale. At least, that is how they refer to themselves. Most others outside of Gloriavale consider it a cult as described in the Wikipedia entry for Gloriavale.
I wanted to experience it for myself, and they graciously allowed me to visit and stay with them.
“Dear Derek,
Thank you for your call. You are very welcome to visit us and stay here for as long as you like.
We are about 600 people, seeking to live together as Christians according to the teachings of the New Testament.”
I drove 4.5 hours from Kaikoura to Gloriavale and arrived around 12:45pm. Here’s a pic from the drive of some trees that arched over the road.
They had lunch prepared for me and I ate with Fervant Stedfast, one of the leaders of the community. It was a half sandwich of turkey (or chicken) and cheese, and a half sandwich of peanut butter and honey. We also had orange slices and homemade apple juice.
This is what they believe. We are in the end times and Jesus’ return is imminent. The “whore of Babylon” mentioned in Revelation is the Catholic church. Salvation is dependent upon keeping ALL of the new testament commandments (not just accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and savior). There are very few “true Christians” who will be going to heaven, as we are being deceived. The only legitimate translation of the Bible is the 1611 King James version because it had over 70 people translate it and it was the first English version. My ESV is”watered down” and “contains errors”. They do not believe in divorce or re-marriage, and made that clear to me. He said divorced men come to the community to try to find new wives, but once they find out they can’t get remarried, they don’t stay. They do not believe in birth control. And so the next picture shows the “extra” kids if each family were to only have 2 children.
Gloriavale has shared housing for all residents. In fact, no one owns anything, and if you join the community you have to give up all your possessions and money to the community. Everyone lives in 4 large buildings that have 2 floors, each with a common living room and kitchen with adjoining rooms for individual families where they sleep and bathe. Each floor has a Shepard and Servant living on it. The Shepards are in charge and settle disputes and keep everyone on the straight and narrow, and the servants are their helpers in this. They are all men, as they have a traditional view on gender roles. Women are expected to submit to their husbands as taught by scripture. Women do not speak or teach in church. I actually didn’t talk to a woman while I was there.
Women must have long hair that is covered at all times. All residents dress modestly (blue floor-length dresses for girls, and blue slacks and shirts for men), there is no jewelry (not even wedding rings), and all residents eat together in the dining hall. The kitchens in the housing units are for after hours snacks or if you miss a meal due to work.
Kids go to school that is taught by women. The men work, and teenage boys will only have school in the morning and then work in the community by farming, plumbing, building, or taking care of animals. Eventually, by age 17 or 18, boys are considered men and will be working full-time in the community. They will also get married around this time.
As I mentioned before, the families are VERY large. The founder, Hopeful Christian was born Nelson Cooper. He changed his name when the community bought land and created Gloriavale between 1991 and 1995. He had 15 children.
I met his #7 son Mark Christian, who took me around the community after I had lunch with Fervant. They have hunting cabins that tourists use, they raise cows for beef and milk, and deer. They raise dogs, parrots, and other exotic birds to sell (anywhere from $1,000 to $4,000 per animal). Most recently, they have started producing their own honey. We finished our tour of the property around 5pm and I was dropped back off at my room. The accommodations were very nice, and they made sure I didn’t have any needs. I read and journaled for an hour before dinner.
Tea (dinner) was served at 6pm. It was beef with boiled potatoes. We also had mashed sweet potatoes, greens, and milk to drink. I specifically had to ask for water, which I thought was odd. But everyone drinks milk with every meal.
I was seated with two other Shepards who were both single (they had been divorced), and we talked through more of their beliefs. After dinner, one of them, Enoch Upright (not his birth name) then escorted me back to my room and continued to talk with me until 9pm, when I started yawning to get him to leave my room. It was a trying time, because I kept asking questions, but he would just smile, share more of their beliefs, and say how mistaken I was.
They talked about signs of the end times: computer chips in hands as the mark of the beast, wars, earthquakes, and sinful people. Another sign, gay marriage and homosexuality, which they said was an abomination to God. When I asked what that meant, they said God hated homosexuals.
I went to sleep very disturbed, because the God I know doesn’t hate anyone, and He always desires reconciliation and redemption with humankind.
Day 93 (Wednesday Nov 21) – I was still disturbed when I woke up the next morning, and I decided I had seen and heard enough.
I went to breakfast (porridge and toast) but was escorted out after a little bit, as they had “family business” to talk about. It had to do with some members of their community, but I didn’t hear anything else. In the same room that I had lunch in the day before, Enoch and Fervant shared a few more of their beliefs and asked if I wanted to stay. I said I had seen everything the day before and I was ready to leave. So, they packed me a lunch for the road and sent me on my way. As I left, they said if I did want to join their community I should come stay for up to 6 months to be sure I could be committed to their vision.
I cried on the drive into Greymouth. I was hurting for the women and children growing up in that place who hadn’t necessarily chosen that life. I cried for the gay kids growing up in that environment who would learn to suppress and hate their God-given same-sex attraction. But I also looked at the sky around me and reflected on God’s love and beauty in spite of the fear and hate I had witnessed.
Greymouth helped to get my mind of things, and I walked around town looking at some monuments.
I met a lovely Australian couple who live in Bendigo, AUS at a local coffee shop as I got a vanilla latte. I’m going to try and see them when I am in Australia next month!
I jumped back on the road after lunch at Macca’s (McDonalds) and drove through Arthur’s pass! It was a beautiful drive and I was able to listen to several Liturgist episodes.
I arrived back in Christchurch by dinner time and moved into my 6th place in Christchurch (Alison and Jono’s was my 5th). I was staying with Kieran and Sarah Webb, and their 8 year old daughter Tessa. Alison introduced me to them and they also attend The Well, the church I have been attending here in Christchurch. They graciously opened up their house to me until November 30th and have treated me like one of the family. We had pasta and veggies for dinner after I arrived and I created Homebase once again before ending my day.
Day 94 (Thursday Nov 22) – I started off my day with journaling and devotions and then recorded episode #14 of my podcast!
That afternoon, I talked with a guy on Grindr named Robin and we decided to meet for a drink at Smash Palace that night. It was biker night at this bar, so it was hard to hear each other over the engines, but it was a fun experience. We later moved to another bar to be able to talk a little easier.
Turns out Robin is also a Christian gay guy, with a not so understanding family. But, his parents have met various boyfriends of his, so they sound a little more understanding than my family. I had a lot of fun sharing my story with him and hearing his. I knew I wasn’t the only Christian gay guy on Grindr!
He had just gotten back from running a half-marathon in Queenstown the previous weekend, and we really connected on that, as well as our beliefs and taste in music. I had found a friend! We even made plans to hang out on Friday.
Day 95 (Friday Nov 23) – Thanksgiving…at least in the states, but I also planned to celebrate with Alison, Jono, Jamie, and Clint. Clint is the pastor of The Well, which was also having a men’s breakfast this morning at 6:30am at The Curious Palate Cafe / Bistro. The owner of the cafe also goes to The Well, and he opened up early to host the breakfast there. It was great getting to know more of the guys in the church and sharing my story. For many of these men, I was the first gay Christian they had ever met or talked to.
Next, I walked around town for a bit and saw some interesting sites…
As I walked around, I sent off a barrage of Happy Thanksgiving texts to many friends in the states and even some to people here in New Zealand. Because I was truly thankful for so many things that I have seen, so many people I have met, and all the experiences I have had over the past 11 months since I ended my relationship. I even sent a text to Tracy and heard back from him!
At 11am, I met up with Robin at Tūranga, the newest library in downtown Christchurch. We grabbed a coffee and then jumped in his car and he took me up to Sugarloaf Hill. Then we went to Lyttelton, a town on the other side of the hills to the south of Christchurch. He knew of a nice wine bar that also had some tasty fried chicken and chips. It was a very enjoyable and relaxing afternoon with good food and good company, although of course I didn’t get any pictures. But, I’ll be sure to get some pics of Robin soon!
I went over to Clint’s house that night and enjoyed a thanksgiving dinner (sans turkey as it is too expensive here, but we had chicken). I played their piano for a little bit and all the kids played outside for a while. We even lit off some fireworks as the kids associate any American holiday with fireworks.
Day 96 (Saturday Nov 24) – I reached the halfway point in my podcast on this day! 15 episodes recorded with 15 more to complete before the end of the year. I was a little behind schedule, but even if I have to push back my end date to January, it won’t really matter. I do want to get it done before my grad school apps are due on January 15th, since I reference it in my application letter of intent.
I also visited Akaroa, a small town about 1.5 hours away from Christchurch. It was originally a french settlement and Meagan had recommended that I check it out before I left for Australia. I got there around 10am, and had Facebook call with Rob & Kristy, my friends from Delaware. They both contributed to My Recommendations, and I was actually working on Kristy’s recommendation that day. I’ll be posting about that soon!
Me, viewing the Peninsula War Memorial
A whaling pot and the iconic Akaroa lighthouse
The Garden of Tane – Per the NZ government wegbsite, “The garden features a mix of mature exotic trees and native regeneration, lots of birdsong, lovely views and a rich botanical and human history. Several historic cemeteries, where many of the early Akaroa settlers are buried, are worth wandering through, providing a window into the past.”
I love this next video…just listen to all the birds…
By this time, it was almost 2pm and I was starving. So I got some fish and chips!
Once my belly was full, I visited St. Peter’s Anglican Church. Sitting in the empty church, I was able to experience the presence of God and worship my creator.
I spent a few more hours in town reading at a local coffee shop before heading back to Christchurch and calling it a day.
Day 97 (Sunday Nov 25) – Another Sunday at The Well! When Clint said the passage was going to be Ephesians 5, I was a little apprehensive…that’s the passage that says wives should submit to their husbands, one of the passages embraced wholeheartedly by Gloriavale residents.
But, when he then spoke about dissatisfaction and the David and Bathsheba story, I resonated with his sermon. He mentioned the best thing you can do together as a couple is to pray, and yet how many couples actually do this regularly? He said seeds of dissatisfaction start small but can quickly grow if you aren’t communicating openly and honestly with your spouse. And he talked about his own marriage and how he has gone to counseling with his spouse over the years.
Through my own story, I have learned many of those same things, and it was refreshing to hear a pastor speak positively about going to counseling, both alone and with your spouse.
Sunday afternoon I had another guy on Grindr (Dylan) help me re-bleach my hair. He did a good job, but the bleach was just store bought and it ended up burning my scalp a little. Overall, I liked how my hair turned out and my scalp will heal.
Sunday night I participated in one of The Well small groups. We spent time discussing the sermon and then had dinner and fellowship together. I felt connected, I was able to share my story (again, not many of them had met a gay Christian) and I am so thankful that I’ve been able to experience community.
Looking back, this was a whirlwind 13 days, but I had so much fun, met many new friends, and made lots of great memories. Thanks for taking the time to read all about it. Now’s a good place to stop, only one week remains until I head to Australia! So, I’ll end this post with a song! This is the second song on my ReVivified playlist – Revival ft. Cheat Codes, MAX by Sigala
That I could end up finding myself, alright
And it feels like, I’m on my knees
And it feels like, my soul revival
Your love’s reviving me